Walking Down A Road
9 November 2006
Cable Food Market was once a proud establishment - servicing the food needs of the citizens of Cable for many years. Then ten years ago, came along Cable SuperFood and utilising the power of economies of scale completely crushed Cable Food Market. The managers of Cable Food Market realised they could never compete with pricing, so tried to position themselves as quality. But really, no self-respecting consumer of food would ever admit that Cable Food Market's food was any better than that of Cable SuperFood, in fact the general consensus was that it was complete shit.
Commercial reality dictated that the Food Market could only afford a maximum of three workers at a time. Rostered on at the moment was Pete, Ian and Julie. Julie had worked for Cable Food Market since it opened fifty years ago (don't judge her - she is a swell lady). Pete and Ian had worked there for 7 and 6 months respectively, making them the second and third most experienced employees at Cable Food Market.
Julie was in the milk aisle, stocking up the fresh supply of milk. Pete and Ian were up front dealing with the customers - not that there were any. Despite the fact that the benches really could of done with a good wipe-down to get rid of the chicken juice that had spilled due to the inadequate packaging of their meat products - Pete and Ian were just plotting.
You see, Cable Food Market didn't offer a very good pay package. Which was why Pete and Ian were the second and third most experienced members of staff. The reason they stayed was because Cable Food Market had a room that was never used - back in the good old days (as Julie would say) before Cable SuperFood came onto the scene, that room was used as an office. Now it stood empty. Pete and Ian used it in conjunction with the Cable mafia with the collective goal of increasing organised crime in Cable.
But now they had hit a problem, Pete and Ian had been collecting more than their mutually agreed share with the mafia. And now the mafia had caught on to their little scam. Ian and Pete had been scratching their heads all day, finally Ian reached the only solution.
"OK, I think there is only one option. We have to flee."
"That's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say"
"Excellent. Let's go tonight."
"But we're on tonight"
"Who cares?"
"Well, who'll run the store?"
"I don't see why this matters"
"I've put seven months into this store. I feel attached. It'll feel wrong to abandon it at a time of need!"
"We can get someone to cover"
"Who?"
"Stacey"
"She won't do it."
"Why not?"
"She hates me."
"When did that happen?"
"We went out on a date."
"Oh, say no more."
"What does that mean?"
"How any member of the female can not hate you after spending a significant proportion of time with you is a mystery to me."
"Whatever"
"I feel as if we're missing the point."
At that moment, they finally got a customer - Sgt. Zeverin Drains bought a chocolate bar. He glanced at the two boys and nodded with his superior police nod.
"Hey boys. You're not engaging in any illegal behaviour are you?"
Zeverin wasn't onto anything. He always said this, he thought he was hilarious. Ian always gave the same reply.
"Yes sir. Tonight we're going to circulate crack in the high school."
Zeverin responded back with his superior police nod.
"Keep it up boys."
He left after being overcharged for his chocolate bar. He never noticed.
Julie was now left out front while Pete and Ian were out back to deal with the new stock. The discussion from before was continuing but they continued to digress into stupid topics. In fact, not only were these topics stupid but they often repeated them. They had already done the whole "Pete's not lucky with the ladies" to death, now they were talking about how hot Ian's sister was. This riveting conversation was interrupted when a man emerged from behind the boxes. He was dressed up smartly, wearing a classic gangster hat along with his classic gangster clothes. It was particularly a uniform really - just like Pete and Ian's bright green aprons and name tags. This guy was from the Cable mafia.
"Hello Mr. Pete, Mr. Ian. I apologise for the rather informal greeting but I didn't actually bother to learn your last names."
Pete and Ian just stared back. Unsure what to do.
"I'm afraid you have upset the hierarchy in our little organisation"
Ian regained his voice.
"Look, we're sorry..."
"Sorry don't cut it. You're in a world that doesn't understand the concept of sorry. No one is ever sorry for fucking with the mafia, they're just dead."
"We can make it up to you."
"Oh right... You better, you have 24 hours. We're cutting you a break."
"Thank you"
"Don't give me that shit. I'm insulted now."
Pete couldn't help himself
"Sorry man."
The man from the mafia gave a big sigh and moved back towards behind the boxes.
"You boys just don't learn. I'll teach you for not understanding the incredibly manly ways of our organisation."
He came out with a deep fryer.
"This here boys, is a portable deep fryer. Battery powered so you can take it anywhere. Highly convenient for all your frying needs."
He looked towards Pete, grabbed him and took him towards the deep fryer.
"I bet you're sorry now."
The man opened up the deep fryer. The smell of burnt pieces filled the area (this man didn't take the time to properly clean his portable deep fryer), he kicked Pete down towards the ground, grabbed his hand and plunged into in the deep fryer.
"I think with the weight and consistency of the hand, it'll need a couple of minutes."
Pete was screaming in agony. Ian screamed out...
"You'll get your money back."
Pete's hand was removed from the deep fryer. The man looked at the two of them and smiled.
"Excellent. I'm glad you know that we expect you to live up to the mutually agreed to contract. I'll see you in 24 hours. Otherwise I shall have a lot of fun with my deep fryer. Capeesh?"
Ian nodded.
"Capeesh dude"
The guy left. As quickly and efficiently as he came. Pete looked at Ian.
"What the fuck does capeesh mean?"
"We're fucking running man."
"Why can't we just pay them back?"
"Are you kidding me? Have you got any of that money?"
"You're not the one who just had his hand deep fried! I don't want to go through that again!"
"And you won't. We just need to get out of Cable."
"They'll find us man."
At that moment, Julie poked her incredibly old head out back.
"It's a mad house in there. I need someone else out front."
Discussion of their predicament had to end in order to serve the customers. Who had been forced to suddenly swarm on the Food Market after the supermarket had been closed, apparently some guy robbed it.
Posted byBren at 10:36 am
Labels: Cable
