All Tomorrow's Parties
17 November 2006
Lulu was bored. It wasn't that she found the topic of inflation boring, well actually she did. She didn't care about how the general price level continued to rise, how it was bought about and its relationship to unemployment. No, she was day dreaming on how to best maximise her fun. Lulu used to be content with sitting in her Economics classes and in her other classes - English, History, Chemistry, Calculus - just simply engaging with the material, learning and getting good grades. Now she just didn't care.
So she decided to throw paper darts at the teacher. It was fun. The teacher got annoyed.
"Why are you doing that Lulu?"
"Because... you're boring"
"I'm sorry that inflation is not the most exciting of topics. But it is very important."
"Do you have Chlamydia? I reckon you do."
So Lulu went to the assistant Principal's office.
"So Lulu, I hear you've been suggesting that Mrs. Peters has a sexually transmitted disease."
"It was an innocent question."
"Asking someone if they have a sexually transmitted disease is not an innocent question."
"Having a comb over is so not attractive."
So Lulu went all the way to the Principal's office.
"I don't understand Lulu. You've been such a good student over the years. Now all of a sudden you've accused Mrs. Peters of have a sexually transmitted disease, you abused Mr. Rodley for his current hair predicament and now you're here."
"This is much more interesting than inflation."
"Why thank you. I do try my best..."
"In fact"
"Please do not me interrupt me miss. This is quite important. You see, we cannot actually allow pupils to just abuse faculty..."
Lulu's mind started to wander. The principal continued to talk, she eyed up some of the religious symbology on his desk. The principal finally finished talking.
"...so what do you have to say for yourself Lulu?"
"You know who's a cock? Jesus."
"Do you really think you can fluster me by attacking my religion? You can't say anything to bring me down Lulu, sure Mr. Rodley may have been hurt by your comments but that's why he'll never advance beyond the position of assistant principal. You need some serious gutso to be principal Lulu. Now give me what you've got. I can take it."
Lulu sat quiet for a moment.
"Not so talky now are we?"
Lulu considered her position for a second and spoke.
"I know that you've been fucking Vicky Tropples on the side, now normally I'm all for keeping my nose out of other people's private lives. But I think this is of particular public interest since she is 16 and a pupil at this school."
"I think you're quite mistaken..."
"Oh please, don't give me that rubbish."
"You have no proof."
"I do. But unfortunately for you, the only time I'm going to produce this information is when I go to the police. So you'll need to be trust me on that one."
It was now the Principal's turn to stay quiet. Lulu kept going.
"Here's the deal. I might not turn up to school for a little while. And you're not going to care. That's it. So simple. So easy. So clean. Quite an efficient piece of work i think. Win-win."
The principal stayed quiet. Lulu got up and walked to the door.
"I guess we have a deal then. Might see ya round."
She left. But only for a moment, she opened the door again and peeked back inside. She had just remembered what she wanted as her final words.
"Oh and don't worry. Vicky says you're really good. Awesome stuff sir."
Jimmy didn't see Lulu in English and was quite concerned. His perfect attendance girlfriend had been acting kinda funny today. He sent her a text message and was waiting on the response.
He waited.
It had been five minutes. So he sent her another text message.
He waited until finally he was tapped on the shoulder. It was Lulu.
"Hey Dog"
"I've been texting you! Why didn't you reply?"
"I don't know have my phone"
"Where is it?"
She shrugged.
"Fuck if I know... Hey let's have some fun"
"And do what?"
"I don't know... something crazy, something we can look back onto when we're older and just say, yes, I fucking did that."
"Why weren't you in English this afternoon?"
"Aren't you full of questions... are you my mother all of a sudden?"
"I'm just worried. You've been acting weird."
"Oh my! Look at Lulu, she's been acting a little funny buddy lately. Fuck you. I don't need you Jimmy"
And she left. Jimmy cried out in vain and just gave in. He figured she'll snap out of it soon.
Now the goal for Lulu was simply to maximise her fun. But she admittedly had little idea on how to best achieve that, so she walked and for once, actually took in the sights of the town that she had lived in for most of her life: Cable. Lulu took into account the events that happened last night, that the Cable underground truly was home to a collection of vampires. Vampires who had tried to kill her in the start of some revolution. She was wondering how that was going, sure they had tried to kill her but it all seemed so interesting. And Lulu was a very curious girl.
Nevertheless, Lulu was noticing things about Cable that the past ten years had failed to uncover. It was hardly the sunny tourist attraction and lentil production town that she had been bought up believing in. Instead, it was full of darkness and mystery. What was down those alleyways that she had never thought to venture? She started to see the magic that simply flowed from every corner of Cable, the cracks in the wall all were suddenly infested with magic. She couldn't see it but at the same time it was as clear as anything.
"Do you want to buy some drugs little girl?"
Lulu looked to the source of the voice, it was a leprechaun. Though his clothes were a faded green and he was a little bit too messy for the liking of Lulu's stereotypical depiction of leprechauns in her mind - he was no doubt a leprechaun. Just a poor one, maybe the drug trade wasn't treating this poor guy that well.
"Come on! I've got stuff that will make you as high as a rainbow and much more pretty!"
This seemed so perfect for Lulu, but unfortunately for her she lacked the proper finances to make a trade with the leprechaun. So he left and Lulu continued on her journey. She poked her head down the dark alleyways and investigated anything that looked slightly mysterious. Her efforts were getting her little progress into revealing the true dark underbelly of Cable, in fact the leprechaun had probably been the most mystical thing she had seen all done. A big disappointment no matter which way you crumble the cookie. Though it was at this point that she got slightly distracted from her goal.
"Hey! I know you!"
She ran off after the person she saw. And eventually caught up, giving him a big enthusiastic greeting. He wasn't so impressed. It was Troy, the guy who had just robbed her the other day.
"Hey... Look I'm sorry for..."
"Shut the fuck up"
"I realise that it was..."
"Hey, try listening you hedonist piece of shit."
"OK..."
"Why did you rob me?"
"I was about to answer that and then you stopped me"
"No one cares about your sad story. Come on let's have some fun."
She grabbed his arm and dragged him along. He started to object.
"Hey! What are you doing?"
She stopped and start to glare at him intensely.
"Look. Yesterday you put a gun into my face and robbed me. Some might suggest that you caused some serious psychological damage there. Not many tolerate that kind of thing very well."
"So what? You're going to turn me in?"
"Fuck no. I wanna have fun with you. You're mine. I got you hook line and sinker."
Frankly, Troy thought she was a bit nuts and was a bit scared of her. He had actually been thinking of turning himself in, the return that he had gotten from the supermarket robbery was a bit on the pathetic side and would barely make a dent in his current debt problem. At least if he went to jail, he would get fed and have shelter and all that crap. Sure, there might be an occasional gang rape, but Troy felt he could handle that. But he really wasn't in the mood to deal with Lulu at the moment. Though she wasn't going to give up...
"So why did you rob the supermarket?"
"I've got debt problems. Look, I'm sorry that I robbed..."
"Shut the fuck up with all that shit. You sound like a broken record that's playing something extraordinarily crap. It's boring. I'm not putting up with it"
"You can go. I won't mind"
"No... I'm not leaving. Look, I have some ideas for improving your debt situation, you've just going to be ready to have a little fun."
So they sat down and started to devise up some plans, very exciting plans one must say.
Posted byBren at 12:01 am
Labels: Cable
