Walk Away
10 February 2007
Amber was ready.
She was taking a moment to take stock of the moment with her pets. Her vast numbers of pets included seven cats - Twinky, Blinky, Joe, Girl, Ants, Twinky and Achtung. Yeah, she named two of her cats 'Twinky' - this came about because both of the Twinkys looked exactly the same. This way, she'll never confuse them - cats hate it when you confuse them with another - they'll never forgive you. Ever.
Rounding out Amber's stocks were eight hedgehogs, four birds, seventeen mice, two snakes and forty-three fish. Most of Amber's house was dedicated to housing these animals. She only needed two rooms for herself, and even then she felt she was being greedy.
Amber was taking the time to spend with her pets because her mission tonight was of the up most importance and was incredibly dangerous. She was going to come back, she'll see these pets again. She wasn't going through a whole process of saying goodbye in the chance that she didn't succeed because quite frankly, Amber couldn't think of a bigger waste of time, she was Sgt. Amber Sandles. Of course she'll succeed. For Amber to fail will be equivalent to the laws of gravity being violated - a complete reversal of the natural order.
Amber had decided to take revenge for the murder of her partner Zeverin, the failure of Felton Flowers to do anything about it left the burden to her. She was going to have to kill Lady Anika, no other way around it - she was too powerful to just put in the police system. No she had to die, Amber had no problem with taking the law into her own hands. For one, she was right. In her mind the clearest path to living the ethical life would be just to think "what would Amber do?". Second, Lady Anika was a member of the undead, there was some tricky legislation in place to define what exactly the status of a vampire was in terms of whether they were alive or dead or in between, but that didn't make sense to Amber. She didn't care about all that, she didn't care if Lady Anika was technically alive or dead at this stage when Amber was through Lady Anika would most definitely be classified as dead.
Amber knocked on the door, she was an amazing individual but she couldn't bring down Lady Anika by herself - that was just plain impossible. Just in order to get to Lady Anika would first involve getting through a near invincible barrier of vampire henchmen, an impossible order for anyone. Once they had done that, Lady Anika was a master in all seventeen versions of unarmed combat and made Clint Eastwood's "Man Without A Name" look like a goose on the shooting fields. She was certainly no member of the talentless leaders that the vampires often came up with who could do nothing but talk, that was why the vampires were stuck in their cruddy little bar drinking Russian Caravan tea - Lady Anika was the most dangerous vampire to emerge since the glory days. Which was why she was knocking on the door of her old partner - quite possibly the greatest police officer to ever wear the pepper spray (apart from Amber herself of course)... He had changed quite a bit since he was dishonourably discharged from the police force. He now went by the name of V and spent his time worshipping broccoli. But he was one of the few she could trust.
She knocked on his door again. It opened a couple of centimetres and an eye looked out.
"Yes?"
"I need your help."
"Sorry, we have closed for the weekend, please consult your yellow pages."
"V, it's me, Amber."
"I don't deal in the hippo business anymore."
"Zeverin is dead V."
"What? That rustic guy? Blow me over with a collection of Chuck Berry records. That's a turnip."
"I know who did it. We need to go in. Independent of the police. This is our story."
"I like the sound of that."
"I thought you would."
"OK"
Suddenly the door burst off its hinges knocking Amber to the ground, out walked V wearing all green.
"Power to the goose my friend. Who are we going to take down?"
"The new vampire leader. Lady Anika. She's bad news."
"Let's go make us some pancakes!"
"No, no, we can't go in now. We need to prepare and plan and..."
"This doesn't sound like you, the Amber I knew would be in there, guns blazing, pancakes cooking."
"This ain't your normal villain V. We need to outsmart this betsy-bite and we still need to add a third member to our party."
Amber and V walked down the road, it wasn't far to walk where they wanted to go.
"What have you been up to V? It's been a whole year since I saw you last."
"Not much, just maintaining my broccoli. Power to the goose."
"It's a pity we have to see each again under such awful circumstances. We should grab a beer sometime."
"Unfortunately, the broccoli prohibit the consumption of alcohol."
"Oh really? Since when?"
"Well, the membership decided that it was more in line with the teachings of the broccoli that alcohol is the juice of the cabbage and is henceforth banned."
"Cabbage?"
"The cabbage is the mortal enemy of the broccoli."
"Oh"
"I, personally was against this interpretation. Far too conservative, I'm more into liberal interpretations of what broccoli want from us. But I must adhere to the rules that the membership has agreed on."
"How many people are in this membership?"
"Just me."
"Oh, well. We're here."
They arrived at a rundown little shack. Amber knocked on the door and waited. A gunshot was heard from the inside and the door swung open. Amber looked at V and smiled,
"It's how she opens the door. She blasts the lock off. I swear, she must have the biggest locksmith bill in town."
They walked in and looked around. Standing in the kitchen was what Amber hoped would be the third member of the group - Crazy Ann Smiles. Despite the name, she wasn't actually crazy. Not even remotely wacky. Crazy Ann looked at Amber and V, she didn't smile, preferring her stony face of indifference.
"What?"
"We need your help Crazy Ann. There's some shit going down, they've killed my partner, you, V here and I need to bring down the vampire leader."
"Lady Anika?"
"Yeah, good to see you're up with it"
"I'll do it."
"Great. OK, we need to formulate a plan. We need to pay another visit to a little friend for some info."
"Hello Fern"
Everyone had forgotten about Fern after the vampires had claimed credit for the murder of Dr. Jeffrey Fishbait, once Felton Flowers took over he threw her out of the prison. But not before removing one of her ears with bleach.
"You"
Fern remembered this lady, this Amber. She was the lady that had bought Ralph into her life. That fucking monkey that wouldn't shut the fuck up and would just keep drinking its fucking cup of tea. He was sitting behind her when Amber, V and Crazy Ann walked in, he was talking about how British comedy was vastly superior to American comedy. Ever since she had been in the police station, the monkey was everywhere, before then life was so adequate, boy did Fern want life to be adequate again. She had a job at the big lentil factory working for the richest man in Cable and it was all destroyed when she got arrested. Now she just stayed at home with Ralph the monkey. Fern had been waiting for the day that Amber would emerge, she had planned it. Amber walked in, expecting a warm welcome. Everyone loved Amber.
"Fern, we need some information about the vampires. I've got a feeling you might just be able to tell us what we need. Have you ever had contact with them?"
"Prepare for some torture little Amber and friends."
Fern hit a switch and suddenly a giant wooden cage fell down on them. Fern let out some maniacal laughter. Ralph yelled out "Jolly good".
Posted byBren at 12:38 am
Labels: Cable
