Bluegrass Rap
15 November 2007
The front lawn of 88 Jackson Drive was overgrown to the point that the tenants refused to step outside without a very large stick because they believed that a very dangerous creature had made its home just outside theirs. These thoughts were nearly confirmed one night when a friend went to leave one and promptly had his entire foot bitten off. Of course this could of just been a freak occurrence - no one has actually spotted the beast of the front lawn but the foot removal incident gave the theory a little credibility.
At this very moment the creature outside the house was having a power nap as the tenants of 88 Jackson Drive were having an argument over shower usage.
``I will not sit here and defend my shower habits.''
The focus of the argument was centered around Richard. He stood up from the couch, ``I think I will stand instead.''
The argument was a fundamental one in a household where limited income is one of the defining features. It what was an argument that bought up issues such as the value of luxuries and what one will give up to attain them. Georgia spoke while playing with her strawberry blond hair, ``look Richard , we all have to pay for your shower habits. You need to be reasonable.''
``Reasonable? I do not understand the meaning of the word!''
Trying to be helpful and looking the part with glasses and tidy brown hair all on a short body, Danny went into his defining mode, ``you know, be sensible, not excessive, logical...''
``Shut up Danny! I've had it up to here with your dictionary!''
``But you said...''
``I wasn't being serious! I was being... what's the word?''
``Sarcastic?''
``No.''
``Hyperbolic?''
``No. Just shut up!''
The fourth and final flatmate April was sitting in the corner and decided it was her time to speak up, her most distinguishing feature was her green eyes which were reminiscent of the first sunlight hitting a dewy meadow (in reality her most distinguishing feature was a mole located on her nose - it wasn't that bad, in fact it was a bit cute but you could tell the moment you look at her that you are never to talk about it). She stood up to say, ``We're not saying that you have to have a shower every day... just every now and again would be nice.''
Richard yelled to the sky, ``Look at the oppression I have to suffer within the walls of my flat!''
April replied, ``That's another thing I want to bring up. This constant talking to God is really creepy.''
``I'm not talking to God. I'm talking to the great yellow ladybird in the sky. She's my homeboy. My homie.''
``I think that's worse.''
Georgia spoke up, ``You need to clean your room as well; I mean, are you trying to raise some creatures to go along with the one living in our front lawn?''
``This has gone on long enough! I am not changing my ways! I will continue to be the exact same person that you signed up with!''
April decided to offer the final ultimatum, ``If you don't change, we will actually kidnap you and throw you into the harbour. It may be the country's polluted stretch of water but it'll be an improvement.''
Richard threw up his hands in disgust. ``Fine! That's it! I'm moving out! Let's see how you do without me around here! Who else will make Beef Vindaloo spiced with the stuff that's under my bed? Who else will invite the homeless men and women from the streets to entertain us with their tales of squalor? Who else will provide you with endless bluegrass rap to listen to? You'll be begging me to come back. You'll see.'' He grabbed a plastic bag from the kitchen and grabbed some random things to throw in, he went into his room and came back with some clothes and CDs and threw it into the bag. He then walked back into the kitchen, ``And I'm taking the bread maker!''
He walked back into the lounge, the plastic bag in one hand and the bread maker supported by the other one. The power cord dangled onto the ground. ``Good day!''
He stormed out into the hallway and the front door and into the street and kept on walking. The flat mates were in shock. Danny finally managed to say, ``That didn't go to plan.''
April, always pragmatic, ``Who's going to pay the fucking rent on his room?''
``What? He'll come back.'' said Georgia, ``We want him to come back... Don't we?''
``We'll need to find a new flat mate.''
``But we like Richard! He'll have no home!''
``He was the worst flatmate ever!''
``No! Don't refer to him in the past tense already! You're cold April!''
``It's the only grammatically correct way to refer to him. This is a good thing. Have you even been into his room lately?''
``No. The doctors told me not to go in again after I spent that month in the hospital with toxin poisoning.''
``We'll put an ad out tomorrow and try to fill his room up. It's the start of something much more positive guys.''
The flatmates finally decided it was time to call the meeting over and they went to bed. The creature living outside their house woke from its power nap and decided to go to bed too.
Posted byBren at 12:14 am
People should read this.